Nancy Today (nancytoday) wrote,
Nancy Today

Don't take no

I am finding out things about myself.

I think it's good to reflect on how we're doing. I noticed that if I want to do something, I just drag my body along. Sometimes my body is capable of doing what I wanted to do, but when it's not, I think I just try to find other ways of accomplishing the same thing, thereby circumventing my body's refusal to do what I want. Hence my love of the lever and fulcrum.

I think I should spend more time getting A few of my muscles in shape. I have begun to walk sometimes. For the last couple of days we've spent a lot of time in the car going to the temple for our shift, then walking in the temple, and driving to Kingston, and then again to Kingston today. So we've done a lot of driving. It's been an incredibly uplifting journey though. We have listened to conference talks the whole way. But before we left, I was driving to the moat and walking around it with my walker. Once I even venture to the moat from the house with just my walker, and then made it back home with just my walker. So I am trying. I feel at war with my body. But really, I should be leading my body, and I guess fighting off the forces that pull me down and weaken all of my structure.

My foot now only has pain at certain times; uneven ground and overuse make it hurt. It doesn't hurt very often much, mostly when I stretch my foot.

I go into movements where the muscles are tight, and it feels good to just let them stretch for a moment.

My hips work perfectly. I can't believe how much movement or motion they have in them. I can make huge circles with each of them. However, I can't go to the back very far, because it compacts my lower vertebrae and the fused and the not yet fused SI joints.

In yoga we have been learning some stretches that will help loosen up muscles in different areas of our bodies.

She started with our feet, and the legs, then the hips. Now she's moved up to the lower back and buttocks. The muscles that go down the back and across the buttocks to the legs get very tight. So we use a hard pt ball and lean against it, against the wall, and gently press and roll it around side to side and up-and-down. If the muscle is very tight, it would hurt. So we are supposed to just push a bit into the pain. Eventually the pain will move out of the way.

I hope that I can appropriate several of herexercises that I am finding help with my back. Perhaps I can get so that I don't have back pain.

My problem with my back is three slipped discs, a host of bone spurs, and thus the inability to bend down to pick something up off the floor. I can bend, and it feels good bending, and I can work down there, for quite a period of time actually, like in the garden. Well, I haven't done that lately, but removing Jopi Tipi was one thing that caused me to bend down a lot. Anyway, while I'm doing it, it's OK. It's when I stop.

If I stand up straight, or try to straighten up after bending way down, it doesn't work very well. When I do get myself so that I can stand up vertically, there's a lot of pain. If I try and walk at that point, often I can only shuffle my feet. So these several exercises; one is a lunge, and the other is a pelvic tilt. Both of those stretch the muscles that go across or down the lower back and buttocks.

She also taught us that if we breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth, then purse your lips and blow out the candle with that last breath, it will contract the abdominal muscles. The strength of the abdominal muscles, determines how will the back will perform. If the muscles are very loose, then the vertical muscles in the back have to do all the work. So they hurt, and do a better job, which lets the vertebrae get out of alignment and press the discs out.

I need to do the pelvic tilt, and blow out to tighten those muscles. If I could just do this one exercise several times a day for the rest of my life, I just might be able to support my back.

I have so many things that I want to do. I want to be able to walk down the pathway which Scarlett had Dale and Trevor build for me. I want to be able to swim in the pond. I want to be able to walk from the house down and around the moat. I want to be able to climb the hills. I want to be able to climb trees again! I would love to be able to bend down low and do carpentry. I love working with wood. I have become quite inspired watching my son in law work.

But, you know, it's not enough just to do those things around here, I want to be able to ride my bicycle. I want to be able to go for walks all the way up to the next road. I would like to be able to park my car on back roads and just walk, feeling comfortable and being able to explore. I would love to be able to stand in one place for more than a couple minutes and not have back pain. I would like to be able to perform the ordinances in the temple which I need to stand for. At the moment, I'm not really able to do my full calling as a temple worker. I'm quite hopeful that I will be able to at some point.

These dreams of mine won't just happened because I want them to. Not only will I have to work towards them, but I need to pray for His help and tender mercies to bring this to pass. I have the motivation. I've had enough of pain. I'd rather have my body be quiet and let me live.

Wouldn't it be nice to turn off the pain sensors in your brain. Alas. So as I take the next 30 years of my life in hand, I want to be more active.

Now that the studio is looking more like it's part of the house, and getting finished, I'm hopeful about doing pottery down there one day.

I set up my Stained glass in the sunroom the other day. Now I have a good place to work. It's at a good height, too. I hope it's good anyway!

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